Resume Fails
You would think that in this day and age job hunters would double-check their resumes. Most of us use Microsoft Word to create our resumes; why not just click that spell-check button. Anyway, here are some classic resume fails for your enjoyment (not to be used as examples).
JOB ACHIEVEMENTS / QUALIFICATIONS:
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
- "I was proud to win the Schreier Annual Typting Award."
- "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
- "I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap."
- "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms."
- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
- Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
- Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
- Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
- I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
- "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
JOB OBJECTIVES:
- "My goal is to be an architect. But since I have no training in architecture, I suppose I should try accounting."
REASONS FOR LEAVING MY LAST JOB:
- "They insisted that all employees be at work by 8:30 every morning. Couldn't work under those conditions."
- "Responsibility makes me very nervous."
- "The company made me a scapegoat - just like my previous employers did."
- "I was working for my dad until he decided to move."
- "Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as mice."
- "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
- "Maturity leave."
SALARY / SALARY HISTORY:
- "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich."
- "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
SPECIAL REQUESTS:
- "Please call me after 5:00 because I am self employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
- "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability."
- "Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience."
- "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
- "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
- "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."
REFERENCES:
- "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."